Forgiveness - Chapter 1

[Alkari]

FORGIVENESS

"Then shall ye remember your own evil ways, and your doings that were not good, and shall loathe yourselves in your own sight for your iniquities and for your abominations."   Ezekiel 36: 31  


CHAPTER 1.

Rhemuth Palace Library, 16 July 1128

They appear suddenly on the Portal, startling the three of us.   My heart leaps as I recognise them.  Kelson – oh, praise God, he's alive and safe!  Alaric Morgan is with him.  
 
Their faces instantly register astonishment at seeing me here conversing with two Deryni companions; in my confusion I scarcely know where to look as we rise to greet them.   I fix my eyes on my son, because I dare not look at his companion.   Oh, what have I done to him over the years?   What things have I said, what cruelties have I inflicted?   Hastily I shove those thoughts aside, for they are a dark part of me that I do not want to face yet.  

"Mother?"  Kelson sounds wary.  But Lord Barrett finds easy words of welcome, explaining my presence and allowing me the time to gather my wits and compose myself.  

I step down from the window embrasure and throw my arms around my son.   I hug him close, feeling the prayer beads I gave him for protection.  My mind is a whirl and I am laughing through tears as I hear the news, hear that Liam is safe, but that there was treachery at the coronation.  I can hardly take my eyes off Kelson as Father Nivard and Barrett depart, but I am aware that Morgan has now discreetly left us alone.   I am grateful for that, for amidst my joy and relief I am ashamed; I do not want to meet those grey eyes ...    

"Darling, I've been so foolish, all these years.  This past fortnight has been – quite indescribable.  I don't even know where to begin!"

"Then let us wait until we have more time," Kelson says, and even as he reassures me, I can see he scarcely believes the change in me.  "Mother, I've finally chosen a bride."

The next few minutes pass in a blur of joy, confusion and disbelief as he speaks about Araxie, Rothana, the Deryni schola he plans - and the imminent arrival of Sivorn and her children via the Portal.  We move to the adjoining room to be reunited with Nigel, Meraude and Rory, and Kelson explains the situation to them.   Meraude and I laugh together as we busy ourselves in those pre-dawn hours before welcoming Sivorn and her children and making them comfortable.   The sun has risen before I can retire to my apartments for a few hours' rest before the Council meeting.    

I am too tired to attend Matins in the Royal Chapel, but kneel in prayer before my own prie dieu with Father Ambros and Sister Cecile.  I give thanks to our Lord for his love and protection for my son and for bringing me a future daughter in law, though I may not speak of her publicly yet.   But even as I give thanks, a little voice reminds me that Duchess Richenda and her children will also be arriving in a few days.   I think of Morgan's Deryni wife, of how I have shunned her too after that day more than three years ago when she proudly challenged me over a reading of Orin's poetry.   My hand shakes slightly as I feel for the cross I wear and press it to my lips.  

Oh dear Lord, how can I have been so blind?  How can I ever beg forgiveness?

_____________    

Next chapter:  http://www.rhemuthcastle.com/index.php?topic=698.0

[derynifanatic64]

Very Pithy!!

[Evie]

A lovely start!

[Jerusha]

Eagerly awaiting Chapter Two.

[Elkhound]

What you did in the past is beyond changing.  What you will do in the future is your decision.  If anyone questions you, just say, "I was misinformed.  I know better now."

[Alkari]

Of course you can't change the past, all you can do is to change how you behave in future.   But this can be very difficult, even painful, as Jehana is realising.   Have you ever tried to UNlearn something you have been doing for years and years, when your mind and body are totally used to doing it the 'wrong' way?!   Try asking all those smokers who want to give up but find it incredibly hard    

Saying "I was misinformed, I know better now" is an ideal principle, but alas, like so many things it is easy to say, but much harder to put into practice.  Humans aren't computers, who can just have their hard drives wiped and get re-programmed. 

[Elkhound]

I never said it was easy. 

[AnnieUK]

And I bet Alaric reckons it will be a snowy day in Hell before Jehana ever takes that leap.

[Elkhound]

But people can do the most surprising things; just when you think you have someone all figured out. . . After all, doesn't J. ultimately marry a practicing Deyrni?

[AnnieUK]

Oh for sure, but I bet it's a bombshell to more than one person at Rhemuth Court, given how outspokenly anti-Deryni Jehana has been all these years.

[Alkari]

It was quite a bombshell to Arilan and the other members of the Camberian Council when Barrett told them Jehana was gradually 'rethinking' things!!  And Jehana is a very proud and strong-willed woman, who believed she was following what the Church taught. 

[Elkhound]

Oh for sure, but I bet it's a bombshell to more than one person at Rhemuth Court, given how outspokenly anti-Deryni Jehana has been all these years.

I wonder how Kelson dealt with having a stepfather on the Council?

[Alkari]

Indeed!   And given that the Codex shows Jehana and Barrett have a daughter in 1129, I also wonder how Kelson deals with having a half-sister some 22 years younger than he is.  That half-sister will be the same age as his own daughters ...

However, this fic is not going to go into any of that, as it only covers a period of around 2 months

[kirienne (RIP)]

Yay, I can get in to comment again. For the longest time I was unable to get in even though my password was correct. It seems to have sorted itself out now :-)
Anyway, I LOVE this story!!! I can hardly wait for the day Jehanna and Alaric have "the discussion" if she works up the courage. Yes, she has inflicted many cruelties and I'm so glad she understands that now.
More please.....This is wonderful :-D

[AnnieUK]

WB Kirienne.  We were just saying the other day that we hadn't seen you about and wondered if you were OK.  (Sorry threadjack,  back to the story )